After running my 2 miles this morning (which should have been 3), I got home and let the dogs outside.  Once back inside the house I did some quick push-ups (I can actually do BOY push-ups now!  Yay me!!) and stretches to finish out my morning routine.  As I was fixin’ to head upstairs to get ready for work, I noticed something gross on the floor in my living room.  Here is the conversation that followed…a conversation I had with myself…

Did someone (dog) throw up on my floor? 

Or potty?? 

Little bastards! 

I just took your little bastard-asses outside!!

At this point I was forced to inspect further as H was upstairs in the shower and the kiddos were already at school….

What in the hell is that???

Ewwwwwwww!  Are those little rodent feet I see?

Oh, you poor little fella....you’ve been dead for awhile, haven’t you...?

How in the hell did you end up on my living room floor?!

Oh no!!!  Mousey?  Is that you??

Oh Dear God, please don’t let it be mousey...

Poor, poor mousey....you never had a chance in this f’ing household full of killers....

KILLERS! 

Damn you, killer cat!!

Or dog!

Whoever killed mousey, DAMN YOU!

Ummmm.....you can’t be mousey....you’re too big! 

And too dark in color!! 

But maybe that’s just because of the decay...?

Damn, that thing has been dead awhile....

Omg, that is so gross...!

Is there seriously a dead, decaying rodent laying on my living room floor right now?

W. T. F?!

At least it’s not mousey!

Thank you Jesus!!

Oh look, he has a long, skinny nose...

He must be a MOLE!

I’m so smart....do I know my rodents, or do I know my rodents...

I know my rodents, dammit.

I have a dead, decaying MOLE laying on my living room floor.... in all his glory.....

That is so f’ing  jacked up...

H!

H!! 

AAAAYYYCHHHH, g’dammit!!!

Since I got no response from H, I ran upstairs totally freaking out and then had this conversation with him:

Me:  There’s a dead mole on the living room floor!  Hurry!!  Go get it!!!

H:  There’s a dead what?

Me:  MOLE!  There’s a dead MOLE on the living room floor!  Hurry and get it!!

H:  How did a dead mole get into the living room?

Me:  How in the hell am I suppose to know?  Hurry up and go get it, PLEASE!

H:   Why do I need to hurry?  If it’s dead it’s not going anywhere....

Me:  OMG!  You can’t just leave a freakin’ dead MOLE on the living room floor!  That’s totally disgusting!!  And I have to disinfect the carpets....and I don’t want to be disinfecting dead-mole-infested carpets after I take a shower!  That’s freakin’ GROSS!!

H:  (laughing) Then why don’t you go get it yourself?

Me:  OMG!  Are you freakin’ kidding me right now?   I don’t DO moles...hello?!

The mole was finally disposed of and the carpets were cleaned.  I still don’t know how the mole got into the house, but I’m guessing Tink probably killed it and left it somewhere outside and Tiffany Suzanne picked it up (disgusting!!) and brought it into the house and dumped it on my living room floor.  Therefore, Tiffany Suzanne was disinfected along with the carpet.  Gross.

Until next time, these are the days of my life.  Stay tuned for more!

Be great!